Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but now you vividly remember every single social faux pas you've ever made and lie awake at night thinking about that one time you said "i like balls" about bouncy balls as kid and the older kid you were friends with laughed at you and wouldnt explain why

i wish i could plan my stories instead of getting stuck 10k words in

Granted! You'll plan every story cover to cover, but you will never finish a single one.

I wish I had a never-ending supply of doughnuts!

Granted, but every doughnut you touch will turn soggy and there is no way to reverse or salvage it.

I wish I had professional level photography and photo editing skills.

granted but you'll never get a camera to use your skills on

i wish i could fly

Granted, but once you start flying, you'll never be able to land.

I wish I could stop making random typos at times. 

Granted, they're now all purposeful typos and you can't stop (: 

I wish I could always see, no matter if it were dark or light

Granted, but your eyes are constantly dry and no treatment can completely cure them. Also, eyelashes get stuck in them a lot.

I wish I could drink more than two cups of coffee a day without going to sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning.

Granted! but you will never need a bed because you won't feel sleepy forever! *evil laugh*

I wish I can understand all animal language.

Granted! But you can only understand it, not speak it.

I wish I could talk to plants.

Granted! But they choose to ignore you anyway.

I wish I could gain some home decoration skills.