The Dragon Wolves Group Pack Discussion

Just... if you see this, please don't tell the others that I said this. I don't want them to worry about me.

I don't want anyone to worry about me.

No one deserves to worry about me.

maybe i am the problem. Just another insane person on the web.

dragon, i worrie about you, its why i left in the first place, to give u guys a break, but i wanted to make a plan for when i got back so we wouldnt have another repeat, its why im in so much pain after every argument and breakdown, because everytime i hurt you it hurts me to see you hurt, its why i want to push to stop me from lashing out, because a little anger to me means nothing, but it hurts you guys

you make mistakes, but i do to, i just want you to acnolage and push to fix them, its why im fine when i get told and reminded when im making a mistake, its when im actually not making the mistake that it hurts me, but its not just you, not one bit

damnit.

i guess you wouldn't know whats haunting me if i never told you, hah.

of course. i hide far too much from you all.

then tell me, and we can work to help, i hid way to much before to, and its how i got here, i never spoke up when you guys said somthing that hurt untill it got to the point of me breaking down, i never told you guys anything about how i was feeling untill recently, and has i said somthing sooner, this whole mess wouldnt be a thing

i just feel like who i am isnt enough anymore. ive worked for years to improve myself and i feel like im just failing again, as a person.

failing to stay positive and supportive again. failing to keep up in school.

remember when i said im 'naturally competitive"?

thats only part of it, actually.

i have a constant need to be ahead, to stay active, to be able to say 'look mom and dad. i did it.' or whoever im trying to impress

i dont know why, but i constantly feel like im trying to prove im worth it.

and i hate the moments where i feel like i dont

i feel useless, like a disappointment, like i dont belong

it might be a result of the constant pushing to 'fix' me

maybe it pushed me a little too far

or maybe im embarrassed by my adhd or something like that and i havent realized it yet

i just say 'naturally competitive' to mask it, so noone sees what it actually means