The Dragon Wolves Group Pack Discussion

I've pushed so hard to stall this moment, to endure your rage and help you, but I'm afraid that moment has finally caught up with me.

I'm sorry, but you have to stop treating me like a goddamn doormat.

dragon, the mesage, was for everyone, i, i just, dont want to be treated like i am, what happened to us working things out calmly, what happened to us taking things slowly, i know you are struggling but i can hardly keep myself up on my own, ive been feeling thoes things for months, ive been trying to get along, get things better, find a way to make things work, but i guess not, i guess all our efforts are for nothing now, i give up on trying to make things up and make things better because it seems it will never work

and do you think im ok with how you guys been treating me either?, you dont even know what happened the day i left, because you were to dam busy complaining to realize that i was at my wits end, im trying to learn to stand up on my own to feet, but the moment i slip up i get pestered and fussed at for doing so, and it makes me feel like you dont even care, and right now you dont, you say you do but youre actions keep saying otherwise, you say you care and that you will work and try to help or try to do things calmly but then you go and do the opposite which is worse for both of us, at this point you are the one treating me like a failure, i was trying to make things better and let everyone know how much i was hurt and from what and how to fix it, and you thought i was trying to  push you around, is asking you guys not to hurt me wrong? is asking you guys for help wrong? 

thoes pokemon things were me being blinded by simple events when i was already in extream pain, and that flapple, you, you dont even have the RIGHT to go and say im the only one who did wrong, you, started yelling, things that hurt me, hurt me so much, even when i told you before that it just makes me lash out more, and even potat said, POTAT, that you, shouldnt of said thoes things, it hurt me to the point i could hardly take it, then when i went to go back and try to apologize, you had, the audacity to blame it all on me, when it wasnt just me

im not sorry for what i said, and i hate myself for not being sorry.

I refuse to apologize. I refuse to say sorry for being treated badly.  Me losing my temper was the result of crack after crack being left within me that I have ignored for you, the exact situation I tried to avoid so long ago that you refused to work with me over.  I have let myself be hurt by you more than you think. I feel justified. 

I hate the fact that I feel justified, but I do.

I have torn my mind apart for you and you demanded more effort from me.

You talk and talk and talk about how we've been so bad to you, how we've demanded more and raised our expectations. I didn't raise my expectations. I never did. Like I said, I have taken wound after wound from you. And I have forgiven you every single time. I have been patient, understanding, and willing to help. Offering myself to you, even if it meant you scratched me horribly. 

I'm tired of you saying I'm a bad friend. I'm tired of being guilt tripped. I'm tired of being stepped on. 

you are acting like you are the only one whos been doing that, ive been hiding so much of what hurts me until resently because i dodnt want it to hurt you, but not its so much i know i just wont be able to take it if it continues, i want to help you, but i cant do it if i cant even keep myself going, the things i asked i asked because i saw that they didnt just hurt me, and i was never asking for perfection or anything like it, just that u guys try, you remember how well we both were doing when u were acting calm when i was upset and when we added that emote, thats all im asking, that u guys dont say the words that hurt me, and that we stay calm, sure ill still have episodes, but if we deal with them with respect and patience, they go away soon, and if not then make sure you let me finish up and calm on my own instead, but before it gets out of hand, if i still try to talk then let me know ur there and just dont speak, we can work as we go, but i, i dont want to hurt you from this becoming to much, somtimes one option may hurt but is better than the other option

I'm not working to hurt you. I'm working to heal myself.

ive only saw the bad when im blinded, and i only raised my expectations as learn more about my emotions and how i deal with some things, but some have been lowered, even if you dont notice them, but im still learning, about myself, about how to deal with this, what boundaries work best, etc