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Looking For Lore Criticism

Looking For Lore Criticism
Posted 2023-03-03 14:09:00
#969002

I've Been Working On This Lore For A Very Long Time Now. All The Way Since I Started Playing Wolvden. I Just Need Somebody To Read It And Make Sure The Whole Thing Is Understandable.

Its Gotten Quite Long So In Understand That It Would Take A Few Weeks To Understand Or Read The Whole Thing. Which Is What I'm Going For, A Bunch Of Puzzle Pieces You Have To Stitch Together.

Anyway Here's Here You Will Be Starting. [ - The Keepers - ] I Want All Types Of Criticism So I Can Make The Lore The Best It Can Be!


𝚂𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚢𝚁𝚘𝚋𝚘𝚝
#46178
Posted 2023-03-07 12:37:14
#972057
I finally finished reading everything you have so far. I'm so happy to see that you connected the great library to the main pack lore. It seemed so disconnected before. I'm still trying to understand how the Robotic Eye fits into the hierarchy of gods and what it's relationships are like with other deities. Just more about the past of the Eye, basically. And what is its ultimate goal in watching over the wolves of the prairie? I also want to know more about the keepers of the great library. Where did they really come from?
spotpc
#9204
Posted 2023-03-23 11:45:32 (edited)
#983212
I'm gonna be back and forth as I read, so to keep things tidy I will just edit my comment instead of making many.
Typos/incorrect grammar:
"Her form a tiny" should be "Her form was a tiny" (The Keeper's Athenaeum; paragraph 1)
"They says, snow" should be "They said, snow" (The Keeper's Depository; paragraph 2)
"Lets give you a tour, not many like you these days." should be "Let's give you a tour. There's not many like you these days." (The Keeper's Depository; paragraph 3) also I would recommend reversing the order of the sentences so that the action follows the statement.
"The place is terribly dark you realize." should be "You realize this place is terribly dark" (The Keeper's Museum; paragraph 1) I also would use notice instead of realize.

I'll do more later, but I like the concept.
🌈Wolfryn🐺
#117902
Posted 2023-03-23 12:32:32
#983248

Thank You So Much For The Grammer Checks! Its Good To Have Fresh Eyes. I Have A Terrible Habit Of Autocorrecting In My Mind.


𝚂𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚢𝚁𝚘𝚋𝚘𝚝
#46178
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